Sunday, February 13, 2011

You Never Could Have Done This Before The Internet

How did mankind survive before the Internet? For the entire generation of pre-twenty-something-year-olds, you wouldn’t understand what life was like before the internet but this is what we had to do when we wanted information: Look it up in an encyclopedia (google that word if you’re unfamiliar with it), go to the library and hope the page in the book you need hasn't been ripped out, call up Mom or Dad or another of our smart relatives. Like Grampa who is a wealth of information, or Uncle Joe who went to college and is good with his money. He knows a thing or two and ought to be able to help us with a question. Or at least point us in the right direction to where we can find the information we’re looking for. Now, post-internet, we just hit a couple of buttons on the computer. Click, click...and we’ve got a treasure trove of information underneath our fingertips. Easy. Everything we could ever possibly need to know is there instanteously. And if what you’re looking for is not there, then it’s because it doesn’t exist.

There are certain situations one could find themselves in where quick information the internet provides is vital. Say for instance your dog and your husband get sprayed by a skunk in the back yard at 2 o’clock in the morning. What would you do? Way back in the pre-internet days you’d have to make a phone call and wake somebody up who may or may not be too happy about being woken up. And what are they going to tell you? Buy some tomato juice. But you know the thing about tomato juice’s a crock. It barely even masks the odour. It’s like spraying cologne instead of showering. We all know that doesn’t work. It even intensifies the BO.

Here’s what I discovered while Googling “skunk spray” sitting in front of the computer with Kleenex stuffed in each nostril, the doors and windows wide open, the husband pacing in front of me on the verge of panic, and our sheppard stuck in the back room howling like he was being eaten alive by a flock of zombies:

Amazing Home Remedy For Removing Skunk Spray:

One quart hydrogen peroxide
¼ cup of baking soda
1 tsp of dish soap

The claim was that this concoction would completely neutralize the smell by chemically altering the skunk spray. So, after sending said husband out to find an all-night drug store to buy the ingredients, we got him and the dog together in the shower, doused the pair of them with the stuff, and before you could say “Aberacadabra”... shabam! The smell was gone. And I mean gone. As if it never existed. Sanity was once again restored to our happy home.

I'd hate to think how that scenario would have gone before we had the internet. Bathing in cold tomato juice doesn’t sound very appealing. Glad that’s something I’ll never have to experience.

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